The Pop Corporation

DJing is hard. For most DJs, there’s no security and a host of very drunk people telling you that they would like you to play something else. You do 5 or 6 hour sets and your knees and back hurt. There’s no groupies, because everyone’s getting off with everyone else while you’re stood in a corner, mildly wounded that people didn’t notice how lovely that transition was just now. Oh! But they all noticed that transition you cocked up an hour ago, the fuckers.

Of course, in the trenches, DJing can be a slog. It’s also very, very fun and hardly working down the mines. With that, David Guetta is insulted that everyone thinks he’s got it easy. So, if you could search your soul and find it in your heart to feel bad for him in the middle of austere times, that’d be great.

In an interview with a newspaper we refuse to give links to, he said: “My kids joke – if they want to buy something – ‘Come on Dad you just have to raise your hands for five minutes and you can pay for that’. I’m like, ‘Oh my God you guys are so insulting. You don’t know everything that goes behind getting paid!”

“People think, ‘This guy is just having fun putting his hands in the air and people are singing his song’. They don’t know I just release one record out of a hundred because my hard drive is full of shit records!”

Rumour has it, Guetta gets paid £25,000 per show, so y’know, it’s not like he’s playing in the corner of Duck & Merkin for £50 cash-in-hand and 4 cans of Red Stripe for a bunch of people who can’t hear themselves drink. Not to say he’s not earned his dues for years, but c’mon – it’s pretty easy these days, right Guets?

Of course, being an older head on the scene, he’s got words of advice for young people: “People need to understand most of what we see on social media is fake – people are lying. They show up in a car that’s a rental, show a plane that’s not theirs. All the girls you see [with them] have never paid for a ticket in their life. That life doesn’t exist.”

“If you’re an ordinary person, you’re gonna feel, ‘I’m a piece of shit, a loser’. We can’t have society where 99 per cent of the people feel like they suck.”

Apropos of nothing, here’s a funny picture of David Guetta and his (ex?) missus.

So what’s Guetta’s secret?

He says: “The secret of my longevity is I have no ego. Ego killed so many careers. When I see younger generation of artists, I embrace all of them. I go on TikTok, I go on Instagram and follow producers. They’re like 16 years old, 18 years old sometimes. I chat to them.”

Good for him. Maybe check his hard-drive too, while we’re at it, but good for Guetta.

Anyway, this whole thing was an excuse to share that funny photo above, and to show the following video where David Guetta looks ‘very tired’ while playing clown music to a bunch of kids at some kind of waltzer hellscape at Tomorrowland. Imagine being a punter full of ket there – phew. It’s enough to make your heart race just thinking about it.

LOL