The Pop Corporation

Dolphins are proper dirty fuckers, and with that opening gambit in mind, the Vengaboys have something to tell you. Robin Pors, a Venga himself, said that a dirty dolphin assaulted him. Like that – it wasn’t a mugging.

He brushed the whole thing off as a ‘compliment’, because when you’re a Vengaboy, you are irresistible even to the advances of the animal kingdom.

Talking to one of the red tops who we won’t link to because it doesn’t make any difference either way, the performer said: “The dolphin, yes that’s my story, yes I had an encounter with a dolphin.”

Vengapal, Kim Sasabone continued: “There are some inappropriate things that have happened. Robin, while shooting a music video on a tropical island in the Caribbean was sexually assaulted by dolphins. Very horny dolphins.”

Obviously, we need to now cancel dolphins. Frankly, they deserve the tuna nets.

The entertainment group were filming a video for ‘Hot Hot Hot’ in ’13, and he continues: “I had to float into the water and I arrived on the tropical island and then my phone rings and I’m waking up and be like “Where am I?” And I had to be in the water to do the scene, but one was like harassing me and I had to get out of the water and I was not amused, I didn’t know what was going on.”

“I can tell you if you’re in the ocean with the dolphins and think “That’s cute” and then you feel how strong they are and they’re pushing you and doing strange things, it’s weird, but I’ll have to take it as a compliment.”

Are the original members of The Vengaboys? We’ve looked at photos of them and we don’t think they are. We also don’t care enough to do the research either. That’s because we’re making plans to start a regular feature on here bases around stories where we can’t decide if they’re harrowing or funny.

It’s like the ’90s all over again, eh?