The Pop Corporation

You’re not supposed to give them attention, apparently, because that’s all they want. However, fuck that. See, apparently there’s a culture war-a-brewin’, and honestly, it’s 99% people just getting on with their lives and 1% just crying into the seat of their pants, and that’s worth pointing out.

There’s two ‘anti woke’ tracks doing the rounds that have found some traction and, sadly for you, they’re not as musically bad as you’d hope. Content-wise though, they’re exactly what you think they’ll be. They’re hitting out and destined to become a weird footnote in American pop-culture, humming to high heaven and one day, we’ll gawp at them like curios. Were people really that heated up over fuck all?

Over on Fox News, who we won’t link to just to be peevish, soldier of the culture war (aka not really prepared to get into the weeds of trouble when spouting off on the internet will do) Jimmy Levy reckons that this is all an indication that the silent majority (the least silent people you’ve ever encountered in your whole, miserable life for the record) are actually in the majority and right-thinking and correct about everything (before some dodgy tidbit comes out about their private lives, no doubt – you can count on it).

He said the pair of songs “shows that we’re the majority no matter what, the mainstream and Hollywood—and the industry wants to promote whatever agenda they want to promote and try to make us look like we’re the minority— people of God, patriots, Americans. It’s just not the truth. And no matter what, God prevails.”

He is talking about the song ‘Boycott Target’ which he made with self proclaimed MAGA rapper Forgiato, as well as the song ‘Reclaim The Rainbow’ by Bryson Gray and Shemeka Michelle. Now, if we’re to assume that everyone else is terrible and woke, then we’re talking two songs that are kicking against… well… literally everything else. Let’s assume these combined bozos can fill a stadium once, then if they really are the majority, then we’ll look forward to their music transcending borders and tastes, and a wildly successful, multi-arena, international tour.

That’s not going to happen though, because as ever with things like this, it’s all hot air.

In the track, you can hear the lyrics “we gonna clean up on every aisle, wash it with the blood of Christ,” as well as “God is coming for revenge, Target is targeting our kids.” Inspired stuff, obviously.

Levy also features on ‘Reclaim the Rainbow’, claiming that “they try to flip it and say that we’re hating on people – if you know me, I love everybody. I’ve never treated anybody different. I have friends that have all different types of views and I give them the biggest hugs like they’re my close friends. We never let our disagreements affect us. However, I don’t ignore the truth. And love also means the truth.”

Okay. Let’s look at some of these loving words shall we, while Jimmy and his super dodgy beard fade tries desperately to be persecuted.

“They turned the rainbow to sin but they don’t know what it mean. It is a promise – it isn’t pride- god said he would no longer flood the Earth. Now it’s for abominations when they put in them flags outside your church”.

“Who could’ve thought or knew we’d say the word woMAN and be referring to dudes – said I hope you pudding pops are offended and you feel attacked coz I’m here, standing, fearless, to take the rainbow back.”

“You know that LGBTQ they went too far – you know they cutting these kids, they leaving tr***ies with scars – why they pushing agenda, promoting sexual genders?

“You think that gay shit gonna get you paid? Yeah, we gon’ see. It’s Mar-a-Lago 2024 – we trumpin’ baby!”

Now, far be it for us to try and take the higher ground here – after all, no-one’s perfect right? No-one will tell you that more quickly than some showboating North American christian, as they furrow their little brows up as hard as they can before slowly clasping their hands together and looking skyward. Hashtag blessings one love.

However, if we’re all made in god’s image, flawed and asked to follow the teachings of jesus and turning the other cheek, and putting no man beneath us, we’d argue that referring to our gay cousins as ‘abominations’ and what they do as ‘gay shit’ isn’t the best example and, in fact, it sounds more like grifting for pennies from bigots. And handily, there’s the little nod to Donald Trump. Thoughts and prayers.

To be a vocal critic of the LGBTQ+ community and an American proselytising prick is to actively seek out way of feeling hurt, and of course, someone taking the piss out of them is just more fuel for their meagre fire. Calling someone a dick isn’t silencing them, nor is it trying to oppress them. Being silenced and oppressed isn’t pointing out that this kind of protest might have a bit more weight if they were going after the terrible abuses carried out under the christian banner with equal fervour.

If you’re going to protect children from evil, the level of disappointment and anger you feel should quadruple when it’s at the hands of religious folk and community leaders. When you crunch the numbers and see that the christian church is responsible for far more child abuse than any amount of chain store t-shirts, that is something that every outspoken christian should be gunning for, and add an unconvincing no cap at the end of that and shout BARS! if you like.

And sure, ‘it’s the thing they always attack us with!’ might be the cry in response, but honestly, people might stop bringing it up if there was even a crumb of effort regarding the whole thing. Are people shoving it down your throat? Well, you’d imagine that ‘if you don’t like our songs, don’t listen to them’ would be a retort of sorts, then likewise, if you don’t like Pride flags, then just look at your feet and take a good look at those fuckin’ clown shoes you’re wearing all the time.

Sidenote: the fact that this article has absolutely pointlessly and snidely not capitalised the word ‘christian’ or ‘jesus’ is exactly the kind of thing that would rile up one of these shills-for-ol’-timey-religion more than, y’know, something more pertinent like child labour abuses carried out by gigantic US chain stores. And the fact that Target are worth a reported $66 billion in 2023 is more of a problem than their convenient corporate allyship. Right? You trumpin’ baby! Flatulence, yeah! Didn’t jesus have some serious words about the hoarding of wealth and all that? Look it up, because we have and we don’t even think he’s a thing.

Anyway, the share price of companies that align with social issues are always closely scrutinised by right wing media and their dogs, and has Target’s taken a hit? It fell recently, yep, but since 2018, the worth of the company has more than doubled. We don’t expect someone with an agenda to not know that they’re not supposed to look down the wrong end of the binoculars, but taking a broader look is always worth doing. Bud Light, who came under fire recently for similar nonsense – at the time of rising, Budweiser InBev’s stock was looking mighty healthy. It looks like they’re getting tired of winning so much, for real.

And besides, if you want to know what public opinion is really like, you don’t ask a sulky christian who hasn’t got everything absolutely their own way for their whole like – you ask gigantic retailers with focus groups and betting companies. They hold the real keys to which way the wind is blowing, and if you think some half-assed rap that peered into a chart makes the case for ‘the majority, people of God, patriots’, then jesus christ almighty, the culture war is already over, bub.