The Pop Corporation

The internet is filled with arbitrary lists – lists that are prone to change ten minutes after they’ve been written. We thought we’d do one.

These things aren’t ever really useful in any way, or particularly relevant to any current affair, so we thought we’d rank the singles released by Girls Aloud because we happened to be listening to them. Girls Aloud, as you know, are one of the greatest singles outfits in British pop history, so this should be fun.

Considering they came from the world of TV talent shows, there’s a lot of dreck in there, which makes their output even more remarkable. Winners of these shows include Michelle McManus, Ben Haenow, Leon Jackson, Sam Bailey, Matt Cardle… Girls Aloud ran so One Direction could walk, frankly.

Anyway, we hope you disagree with our list and tell us exactly what for, because that’s half the fun. Cheryl, Nadine, Sarah, Nicola and Kimberley, we salute you! Let’s get cracking, in reverse order.

23 WALK THIS WAY

The thought of Sugababes and Girls Aloud on the same record is dizzyingly fantastic, however, it wasn’t a vintage period Sugababes (Keisha, Heidi, and Amelle Whatsherface. It’s fun enough, it’s for charity, but it didn’t need to exist honestly.

22 I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW

Some of the cover versions that Girls Aloud were asked to do were not great. On paper, GA tackling ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ kinda works. And it’s not awful, but it isn’t great either.

21 JUMP

It’s pretty much a dead-heat with ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ and this. It’s fun party music and all that, but it’s not vintage Girls Aloud. Like Geri Halliwell covering ‘It’s Raining Men’, it’s not offensively awful, but it doesn’t offer much compared to the original, but it’d be fun if you heard it at one of their shows or at a work party. Considering Sugababes had ‘Too Lost In You’ on Love (Actually), the girls kinda got stiffed on this.

20 SOMETHING NEW

Honestly, ‘Something New’ sounded like a right laugh on release. Empowering women, massive trance synths – it was a hoot. However, listening to it in 2023, it’s aged pretty badly. Would it pop off on a dancefloor still? It probably would. It’s not vintage Aloud though, despite how terrific they looked. inthe video and how wonderful it was to have them back. Aside: this single should have been ‘On The Metro’.

19 LIFE GOT COLD

Effectively, ‘Life Got Cold’ leans a little too heavily on the turgid ‘Wonderwall’ to score too highly on this list, but the crunchy break that sits in the mix reminds us of vintage All Saints, which gets it plus points. One of the songs for sure that made listeners wonder if GA should shy away from ballads.

18 I’LL STAND BY YOU

Another cover, but this one is one of the better readings from the girls. Who would have ever thought a young, hip pop group would be covering The Pretenders? They sing it well, but it isn’t made so their own that you’re not thinking about the original.

17 LONG HOT SUMMER

This saw the Aloud in a more Bananarama mode, with joyful, straight-up sass-pop and plenty of singing in unison. It’s as fun as a firework show, but not one of the more era defining songs from camp GA.

16 BEAUTIFUL ‘CAUSE YOU LOVE ME

The Girls go for a torch song on this number and it’s intended to be a show-stopper, and while this is a good little song, it’s not really what we signed up for when we imagined neighbours banging on the walls while we cranked the volume on GA. It’s mature and recorded for their excellent ‘Ten’ compilation.

15 THE LOVING KIND

A fun, mid-tempo from Girls Aloud that was a lesser version of similar tracks that we’ll talk about later, ‘The Loving Kind’ is a more sophisticated number and very well received by critics for being both melancholic and euphoric. When pop does that, it’s the best – this one soars rightly, but there’s more in the tank.

14 WHOLE LOTTA HISTORY

In terms of the more mature end of GA’s catalogue, ‘Whole Lotta History’ is a gem. A lush ballad that works. There’s something a bit French chanson about the song, which is obviously a great thing. It’s the child of Spice Girl ballads somehow, and even All Saints. While many pop ballads of the time were saccharine, that wasn’t the case here.

13 BIOLOGY

This may be a controversial placing for one of the most popular Girls Aloud songs in the arsenal. The always trusted PopJustice referred to the song as “pop music which redefines the supposed boundaries of pop music,” and it sure does slap. The Glam Rock stomp is immediately brilliant and Nadine’s intro is to die for. As incredible as the verses are, the song loses impetus on the chorus and the spoken refrain of “the way that we talk…” sucks all the pace out of it. Otherwise, it’d basically be perfect.

12 WAKE ME UP

‘Wake Me Up’ is one of those Girls Aloud songs that you forget how good it is, and then you press play and are hit with a pop music equivalent of a garage punk song. It’s a blunt instrument in the best possible way, and the video is quite racy and you wonder what parents at the time thought of various chests being shook at their offspring. It’s a trouble maker of a song. That’s a good thing, obviously.

11 SEXY! NO NO NO…

This is as metal as Girls Aloud get. They look like a million bucks in the video, and the glitches present in the mix give way to a thunderous chorus that’s hotter than opening a pre-heated oven. Electro Glam Punk? Maybe. It goes preposterously hard and it showed that the Girls Aloud team weren’t just keeping an eye on the competition in the charts, but also scratching the surface for underground sleaze to incorporate into their sound. Very cool.

10 NO GOOD ADVICE

Dancefloor dynamite and one of Girls Aloud’s brattiest songs. “Here I go, on the road, crank the stereo – I flick my finger to the world below” is a tremendous pop sentiment and, for bonus points, the girls wardrobe is an absolute disaster in the video, which is good because they are not polished to oblivion, thereby endearing us even further.

9 SOMETHING KINDA OOOOH

After a wall of sound electro onslaught of the opening exchanges, you’d be forgiven if you thought this was a mid-tier pop song from the mid ’00s, but then there’s the drop. “Ooh, when tomorrow comes, baby, I won’t even known your name.” Then, Cheryl’s “I’ve got to heat it up” section is Hi NRG realness and the whole thing takes off like a jet, before once more, you get gloriously pummelled by the chorus.

8 THE SHOW

The star of the show is one of the most iconic Girls Aloud lyrics ever, with the incredibly flirtatious “I shoulda hung around the kitchen in my underwear”, and is the group at their brattiest. It’s magic! Synth heavy, intricate, it’s like Stock Aitken & Waterman if they were bang into Justice. Extra points to the video featuring a salon with the name ‘Curls Allowed’.

7 SEE THE DAY

There’s this idea that Girls Aloud can’t do ballads and this track puts that notion to bed. A sorely underrated track from ‘Chemistry’ that sees the group in fine form with a song written by the legendary Dee C. Lee (Wham! Style Council), and routinely dismissed as ‘do a slow one while you try and get a Christmas Number One’. It’s so much more than than. It’s a show-stopper in the live arena and is a pearl in the GA catalogue.

6 SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND

One of the best debut singles in British pop, and a blessed relief from the endless balladeering from British TV talent shows, the Aloud came hot out of the gates with a mix of surf and drum ‘n’ bass and a delightfully cheap video that would be a hallmark for the group for real heads. Is there anything more wonderful than getting lost in the sauce while singing along to “into to the overflow – where the girls get down to the sound of the radio… out to the electric night…“?

5 CAN’T SPEAK FRENCH

One of the more expensive videos from the Girls, and a killer track to boot. Obviously, we have to mention that they did a French version of this, thereby negating the message of the lyrics – but that’s why we love GA. How often does a hit feature notes of jazz while dressed as Maria Antoinette? It’s a gorgeous, sultry number that the Sugababes must have eyed up enviously (that’s a compliment, obviously). It swings, hard.

4 LOVE MACHINE

The kind of fun pop music that almost gives you a seizure – ‘Love Machine’ rollicks along and proved Girls Aloud to be one of the most exciting pop bands on the planet. When “we’re gift wrapped kitty cats” lands, the song is lodged so far into your head and your feet thrashing around wildly, that with this, they cemented their place in the annals of pop. What a record! Ladies – you’re DAMN RIGHT.

3 UNTOUCHABLE

Easily the most underrated Girls Aloud single in the canon. A dizzying, melodrama that is one of the gems in Xenomania’s glittering back catalogue. It would sound amazing on MDMA, thanks in part to the slight nod to chart trance and has all the dancefloor euphoria for the feet, but the aching, swooning top line that ABBA would be proud of.

2 CALL THE SHOTS

‘Call The Shots’ is actually our favourite GA single, so controversially for us, we’ve placed it second. It’s a breathlessly brilliant piece of music and there’s not an ounce of fat on it. From the unusual pronunciation of ‘cry’ by Sarah in the pre-chorus to one of the finest opening lines in a song “static tone on the phone I’ll be breaking again”, which makes the listener lean in, before an emotional banger whisks you away and you’re doing the ‘oooh’ in every chorus. Perfection. The Girls’ most grown up hit. We bet The Pet Shop Boys like this one.

1 THE PROMISE

‘The Promise’ is the girls in imperial form. Ending a run of tracks that’s as good as any single run in music history (‘Call The Shots’, ‘Can’t Speak French’ and then this and ‘Untouchable’?! Jesus Christ, that’s hot), this is pop that’s as fun as it is sophisticated. The way the note dies at the end of “starting to fade, baaabe!”

It also brings to mind a wonderful tale about the line “Here I am, walking Primrose” which refers to Primrose Hill according to one of the songwriters. Sarah Harding asked what it meant. “We told her it was about walking on Primrose Hill. She thought it was about walking her dog called Primrose. It was brilliant and just perfectly Sarah.”

There’s a whiff of The Ronettes about it, as ‘The Promise’ is both forward looking while paying tribute to the girl group music that came before. A lot of pop bands ‘do a Motown one’, but you can’t say this is ’60s pop-soul by numbers (like, for example, ‘Stop’, which is great for the record) – ‘The Promise’ has the melodrama of The Shangri Las, and there’s a lot of big performances in there. It won the girls their first BRIT for Best Single, and you can’t argue with that. It also landed a £20 prize with PopJustice. A true powerhouse of a record.