The Pop Corporation

They’ve chirpsed half your mates, given three of them STDs and referred to every single one of their exes as ‘mental’, and they got promoted at the bar they worked at, in part, for coming up with a mildly successful drink, in part because they’re willing to get bags in midweek and split them with the owner who is still desperate to not go home and see their kids.

Well, good news! If you want a bit of peace and quiet when you’re down the bar, you can be guaranteed a quiet night on the dates mentioned next, because they’ll all be at the Queens of the Stone Age tour. And they’ll definitely be there because Royal Blood are on the same line-up.

These dates are mainly based Stateside and in Aus, so for European pals, you’ll have to wait. Or they’ve just been. We don’t know. This is all a stupid joke that we’re going to have to try and draw out for a little longer in a vague illusion of ‘value for your time’. The lion’s share of the word count has been spent on the cutting and pasting of the tour dates from some other stupid site.

The Chats and Spiritualized are on some dates, and we like them, if you want further proof of flogging a dead joke. But look, it’s a fact that your super hetty barman who occasionally feigns bisexuality to pull the women who come in their bar with green hair and monroe piercings will be at these shows, and the women with Bettie Page bangs will probably be there too, and combined, we expect OnlyFans traffic to be at an all-time low, so the environmental impact of those groaning servers being given a break is probably, bizarrely, quite beneficial all told.

Still, spare a thought for your local cocaine dealer who is going to be run ragged during this time.

FEBRUARY

• 5 – Osaka, JP, Zepp Namba Osaka
• 7 – Tokyo, JP, Tokyo Dome City Hall
• 10 – Perth, AU, Red Hill Auditorium
• 13 – Adelaide, AU, The Drive
• 15 – Hobart, AU, Nolan Gallery At Mona
• 16 – Hobart, AU, Mona Lawns
• 18 – Torquay, AU, LOOKOUT Torquay Common
• 19 – Melbourne, AU, Sidney Myer Music Bowl
• 21 – Sydney, AU, The Hordern Pavilion
• 24 – Gold Coast, AU, LOOKOUT Broadwater Parklands
• 25 – Brisbane, AU, Fortitude Music Hall
• 26 – Brisbane, AU, Fortitude Music Hall
• 29 – Auckland, NZ, Spark Arena

MARCH

• 1 – Wellington, NZ, TSB Arena
• 3 – Christchurch, NZ, Wolfbrook Arena

APRIL

• 1 – Calgary, AB, Scotiabank Saddledome
• 2 – Edmonton, AB, Rogers Place
• 3 – Saskatoon, SK, Sasktel Centre
• 5 – Winnipeg, MB, Canada Life Centre
• 8 – Oshawa, ON, Tribute Communities Centre
• 9 – Kingston, ON, Leon’s Centre
• 10 – London, ON, Budweiser Gardens
• 12 – Ottawa, ON, Canadian Tire Centre
• 13 – Laval, QC, Bell Place
• 14 – Quebec City, QC, Videotron Centre
• 16 – Moncton, NB, Avenir Centre
• 17 – Halifax, NS, Scotiabank Centre

MAY

• 2 – Raleigh, NC @ Red Hat Amphitheater
• 4 – Atlanta, GA @ Shaky Knees Music Festival
• 6 – Portsmouth, VA @ Atlantic Union Bank Pavilion
• 7 – Wilmington, NC @ Live Oak Bank Pavilion
• 8 – North Charleston, SC @ Firefly Distillery
• 10 – Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live
• 11 – Daytona Beach, FL @ Welcome to Rockville

JULY

• 4 – Rome, IT @ Roma Summer Fest at Cavea Auditorium Parco della Musica Ennio Morricone
• 5 – Bassano del Grappa, IT @ AMA Music Festival
• 6 – Milan, IT @ I-Days