The Pop Corporation

Camila Cabello can’t seemingly catch a break. Whether it’s poor advice or self inflicted is largely a moot point, because the basic kicker is that ‘Havana’ aside, her career has seen her become famous, but not cool. We’ll stay away from the tittle-tattle that may or may not make her a divisive pop figure and focus squarely on the music.

The world of pop feels quite crowded at the moment, with artists either positioning themselves for some kind of legacy like Ariana Grande who wants to let people know they’re in it for some kind of long haul, with the irritating use of ‘album cycles’ and ‘eras’ from her promotional wing – or we’ve got the hedonistic fuck-it-all immediacy of someone like Charli XCX. Camila Cabello is caught between both of these worlds, seemingly hungry for credibility as well as some kind of longevity.

With ‘C,XOXO’ we find her throwing off the shackles of her past somewhat in a bid to let us know she’s an adult, in charge of herself and collaborating with rappers, just like she did that time with Young Thug.

However, on the strength of this LP, it all feels depressingly like it was made by a focus group. Regardless of whether or not you rate Charli XCX, her ‘brat’ promo has really got a hold of the public consciousness, seeing girls simply getting their nails did and painted lurid green and announcing their own brat era when they’re off to Ibiza for an extended weekend.

Cabello has been too manicured to give off a whiff of immediacy in anything she does and now, we’re looking at a new period in her music which leaves you wanting.

For starters, Drake – officially pronounced dead on May 5th 2024 when ‘Not Like Us’ dropped – features on this LP, which can only be a misstep from having songs in the can for months now, which gives the project a feeling of staleness because, if she’d hit the ground running, recorded something quickly and was still down the clubs, she would have had not one but two features from a cultural corpse on it. ‘HOT UPTOWN’ resembles ‘Too Good’, the track Drake did with Rihanna when she’d still give him the time of day and was at the time, and untainted bop – but in this Cabello rejig, Drake’s appearance makes the whole deal sound soulless and shallow. If it was released only a year ago, it may have popped off.

Then there’s a track called ‘Uuugly’ which features only Drake – Cabello isn’t even on the track at all, which is a weird flex to offer a whole track on your album up to someone who has, in public, yet to come up with a response to entire nightclubs shouting “A MINOOOORRRR” in his direction. The man is offering guest verses out at a discount at the moment and we all know it.

Elsewhere, Lil Nas X appears on the clicky ‘HE KNOWS’ and for a young man who really knows his way around causing a scene and writing thunderously large hooks, again, the track comes up short and it all feels a bit pale and wan.

Album opener ‘I LUV IT’ features Playboi Carti and it isn’t clear whether it was supposed to be a stab at hyper-pop or what, but if albums are supposed to kick off with something that sets your stall out and let people know you mean business, it’s a thin soup we’re offered and instead of listening to the song with your whole body, you find yourself wondering if this was the album Cabello actually had in mind when she sat down for the preliminary meetings with her management and handlers.

See, pop fans love a genuine fake as much as an authentic one, but Camila just doesn’t pull off being a chaotic party girl, so when she sings that she’s a “cute girl with a sick mind”, she might be telling the truth, but we ain’t buying it. By the latter stages of the album, you’re left wondering where exactly you might hear this music. It lacks the spontaneity and heaviness of the club, and sounds almost too thin for the radio.

Of course, it’s not wholly bad – far from it – it’s a serviceable album made by a capable artist – on ‘DREAM-GIRLS’, the reggaeton-lite rhythms and ‘tuned vocals are not terrible, but again, it’s missing a certain scrappiness that you get from the real deal. The album switches between tender, emo-ish ballads and skitchy uptempo numbers, with a good amount of interludes, so if it’s pace you’re looking for, this album isn’t it.

What is perhaps most disappointing is that, if we were rooting for someone to fail, then we’re already looking at whatever the fuck Katy Perry has in store for us next – and it’d be far too harsh to suggest that this is the case here – if anyone could have cast off their old selves and reinvented themselves with a sound that was more true to what they actually wanted, then for our money, Camila Cabello would have been a good bet.

It’s not as heavy as a Bad Bunny LP, it’s not as daft as Chappell Roan, it’s not as gonzo as Rosalia and ultimately and regrettably, we’re left with a nagging feeling that we’re not really sure what it is.

It’s a great shame to see someone put so much effort into a project and it fall flat. Neither trashy fun nor nihilistically troubled, ‘C,XOXO’ is a functional album at its highest points and a pretty forgettable affair for the rest of it. We’d like to see a bigger swing next time.