The Pop Corporation

The Liberal Democrats are, of a fashion, vying to be the sensible voice of the youth. However, we know by now that we shouldn’t ever give any political party a blanket pass for having the piss taken out of them.

And so, to their apparent want to fine kids ‘up to’ £1,000 for listening to stuff on their phones without headphones. Same goes for adults presumably, but you just know that as soon as anyone mentions kids listening to music with no headphones plugged into their mobiles, even the most reasonable of people starts braying like a Top Gear audience member.

Hur hur, you tell ’em! I secretly want to punch slow walkers in the head too hur hur! Cockwomble! Hur hur!

Of course, there’s already laws in place for all sorts of anti-social behaviour on public transport, which includes something about using devices that produce sound without permission which causes annoyance to others. However, saying ‘headphone dodgers’ is buzzwordy and will get you articles written about you.

We’re clearly part of the problem too.

This all fits in with the kind of soft-arse political chattering classes who are passive in their aggression and couldn’t possibly ask someone politely to turn their music down. These issues are catnip and work across the aisle, with Tories silently seething about it until they get to complain about it in the letters section of a local newspaper, Labour probably ringing 999 about trivial things, and now, the Lib Dems preying on people’s ineffectual politeness and crossing their fingers that there’s enough coppers to man every bus and train to tell these ne’er-do-wells off.

“Far too many people dread their daily commute because of the blight of anti-social behaviour – and headphone dodgers playing loud music on buses and trains are some of the worst offenders,” said Liberal Democrat Home Affairs spokeswoman Lisa Smart.

“Whether you’re heading to work, taking your kids to school, or simply trying to enjoy a moment of peace, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected on public transport,” she added. “It’s time to take a stand for the quiet majority who just want to get from A to B in peace.”

Taking ‘a stand’. Fucking hell.

They are planning on doing a big publicity drive for this in a bid to garner public support, which they almost certainly will from people who won’t think about the actual nuts-and-bolts of this for one second.

It goes without saying that the chancers in the Conservative party are well up for this, with shadow transport secretary Gareth Bacon adding: “Playing loud music on public transport may seem like a small thing, but it speaks towards a growing tolerance of anti-social behaviour that chips away at public civility.”

The only way this’ll be funny is if this ushers in a law that sees one of the Liberal Democrats’ own coming a cropper with it.

Anyway, oldheads, have your fun with this news – the Lib Dems and Tories have got your back. No more will you have to suffer the pain of someone playing music on their phones which you had to take your headphones out in the first place to be annoyed by, before going back to your grisly murder podcast.