The Pop Corporation

Given that we know how Gene Simmons dresses for his work, and what he does for a living, we’d be daft for wondering if he was an entirely serious man, or not.

Well, he’s had a deal on for fans with some money to spend – and as anyone with even a vague interest in such matters, Kiss are the KINGS of merchandise. Have you seen the Kiss Kasket? No joke – it’s a fantastic bit of silly kit.

This time around, there’s been mutterings though, which won’t both Gene Simmons unduly. For $12,495, you can be Gene’s personal assistant and roadie for a day. Now, while some kids may think that this sounds like working, and working should equate to you being paid for your services.

Not the case here. Funnier still is that, not included in your fee, is a ticket to see the show you’ll be roadie at (but you do get a bass guitar, so y’know…).

Gene went on a podcast and explained why the whole thing is so expensive, and you might come away from it with more questions than answers, but this is the world of Kiss, and you just have to accept that.

“Here’s the deal – when I was a kid and I went to see Hendrix or somebody, of course I enjoyed the show and really got off on it… we talked about it forever and stuff… but I didn’t know what it was like. What’s the beginning of the day like? What’s it like to sit and have breakfast or lunch with my favourite rock stars, and then get in the limo, go to the gig, set up the drums, do soundcheck and then be on stage with your video, ’cause nowadays everything’s on video. You can’t take a poop without a camera coming in under the stall.”

Who is taking videos of Gene Simmons curling one out? We digress.

Simmons continues: “And then you get pulled up on stage to sing along with them. Now, having said that, we only do one roadie for a day per show. And I’ll tell you why — because nowadays everything is so litigious. That’s a big word, like gymnasium. That means everybody sues everybody for no reason. So if you get a paper cut, somebody gets sued. And that’s just the way life is here in America — much more in California, by the way. It’s crazy out here. So, I can’t even, if I wanted to, bring out do roadie for a day with 10, 20, 30, as many people… so we do one, because the insurance costs for that are astronomical. And so this ain’t cheap. It’s not for everybody. And for that one person, you do have to pay premium numbers. That’s just life.”

That’s a big word, like gymnasium – classic rich Yank talk, we love it. Absolute nonsense all ends up. Anyway, it seems like Gene is saying ‘people sue for anything and insurance is expensive, so deal with it – you lame-wads created this scenario, not us – we just have to defend ourselves from it.’

Of course, he could have just had people sign waivers, but maybe he’s got some skeletons in the closest from doing such things? Who knows? Certainly not us.

Simmons added: “Somebody has a bad experience and they sue you and it costs you hundreds of thousands of dollars. You need insurance for everything. Do you have a car? You’ve got insurance. Everything in life, apparently. In fact, you buy anything — a tool — they give you insurance. Would you like the one-year or three-year? Everything’s insured.”

Any clearer? Didn’t think so. Welcome to the world of rock’s elite.