The Pop Corporation

Let’s face it – we don’t need to write about the imminent Beyonce tour. We don’t need to mention it at all, because obviously, the Beyhive have alerts set up and publications bigger than this one, with their CEO teams and algorithm jammers, will write about it more prominently.

So we’ll be honest and just say that we’re writing about it on the off-chance we get a couple of hits out of it from the robots that scrape Google for all written content, so they can use it on some other site that’s populated by bot-scraped articles.

We’re obviously thrilled that it looks like Beyonce might be announcing the Renaissance tour today. By the time you read this, she may have already announced it, thereby making this entire endeavour redundant. We’re not even sure she is touring at all, but all of her fans seem to think so, and that’s news enough these days, apparently.

We even considered confirming it absolutely, because what’s anyone going to do – sue us? What for? Loss of earnings? It’s not like a Beyonce tour isn’t going to sell out almost immediately. We may as well start complaining about Ticketmaster and ticket prices already, such is the inevitability of the whole thing.

We also considered confirming that she’s headlining Glastonbury this year for the hell of it. May as well eh? BEYONCE IS HEADLINING GLASTONBURY THIS YEAR FOR DEFINITE. Never mind who our sources are. We just know.

Now, there’s been no visuals to go with any of the tracks off her last LP yet, so they might come along with the tour announcement to keep some kind of momentum going. Again, we don’t know. She might not be arsed about doing them this time around. She probably will though. You have to make content in 2023, even if you are a living legend who once provided backing vocals on former Coronation Street actor Matthew Marsden’s cover of Hall & Oates’ ‘She’s Gone’.

We almost wrote about the dubious gig she did in Dubai last month, but couldn’t be bothered in the end… but it does feel like that might have been a (very well paid) rehearsal for something with a bit more substance, doesn’t it?

Anyway, Taylor Swift, Madonna and Beyonce all on tour in the same year? Rihanna Super Bowl show. It’s a great year if you’re wanting to watch the big hitters and are willing to forgo some rent money.