The Pop Corporation

This is 100% going to be an article that rants about the state of Twitter with the incredibly thin premise of being music related, because Doja Cat has said something funny about it. If you’re desperate for a Doja Cat music angle take – yes, she’s been a bit problematic and dim, and her next LP will be rap focused rather than singing. Okay? Sated?

As anyone with a passing interest in things will know, Elon Musk has bought Twitter and to say that it’s a messy affair, is something of an understatement. Of course, we haven’t seen people leaving the network in droves because, contrary to what most social media platforms think, not everyone wants to make videos and take photos. While Twitter remains largely text based, it’ll be around.

However, Elon Musk is a) Quite stupid b) A cringe-bag edgelord c) Spectacularly not funny, and d) Someone who really could do with learning to listen to people who know more about things and learn to be quiet while working things out rather than giving vague updates and replying to randoms with ‘looking into it‘.

Naturally, there’s loads of people who don’t use Twitter and don’t care, but you should care that a vocal fool with conspiratorial leanings now owns one of the largest media platforms in the world. If Nigel Farage became the editor of The Guardian, you’d care a great deal – and the Guardian doesn’t have half the clout of Twitter. Take an interest and stop being a baby that thinks not caring about things is cool or that being ignorant is cute.

One thing that has been ruffling some feathers and causing a whole load of tittering is Elon Musk’s brilliant idea to charge people to have a blue tick next to their name. Once, blue ticks were awarded to people who could prove they were notable people. Celebrities, basically. Blue ticks meant that you could trust that the celebrity in question was saying what they were saying (especially if they’d said something stoopid).

With Elon thinking he’s levelling the playing field, what he’s clearly doing is enabling anyone who will pay $7 to stake a claim at being someone. Your postman might have a blue tick and Madonna might not. A satirical Madonna account might have one, while the person they’re lampooning doesn’t. It’s a farcical system, but Musk thinks there’s gold in them thar hills and is hoping a bunch of micropayments can recoup some of the FORTY FOUR BILLION DOLLARS he bought the site for, the fucking lunatic.

With that all in mind, some famous people have let their blue ticks just wither away because they’re just not arsed. Why would they be? It’s pretty easy to see which accounts are owned and run by celebs and not some random fan, right? A couple of selfies and whatnot, and yep, that’s them alright.

Doja Cat is one such person, and one of her followers pointed out that this was the case.

“Only fans have blue ticks,” the rapper tweeted. “Having a blue tick now means there’s a higher chance that you’re a complete loser and that you’re desperate for validation from famous people.”

Come on. That’s pretty funny. Elon has hedged his bets that we, the proles, really need to trust celebrities online when the reality of the situation is that celebrities online aren’t what they used to be. In fact, celebrities are probably the worst element of online life. If Laura down the road has a killer meme account that rinses baristas, and Charlotte has an account that just shares killer photoshoots from the ’70s, who gives a shiny shite about some popstar trying to flog you some vitamin pills and a VIP ticket via Ticketmaster?

Anyway, someone with a blue tick – butthurt – asked Doja if she thought they were a loser, the reply was: “You have a higher chance of being one for sure. People buy blue ticks to feel important, not because they built anything meaningful.” LOL.

Right on cue with the intensely embarrassing edgelols, April is when the old type of blue tick vanishes. He tweeted, “Final date for removing legacy Blue checks is 4/20.”

BLAZE IT UP HAR DE HAR HAR!