The Pop Corporation

Listen, there’s been a lot of heartache in the service industry of late, and that’s because Taylor Swift tickets are nigh-on impossible to get hold of. Obviously, we haven’t tried because 1. We’re too cynical to enjoy her music 2. We’re too cynical to even join a Ticketmaster queue 99% of the time.

This month, tickets go on sale for her ‘Eras’ tour and the scramble is going to be so real that it’ll trend on Twitter. Boys and girls will film themselves crying and feeling hopeless because, honestly, you’ve more chance of going viral and getting some pity tickets than you have actually landing them through the traditional means.

To make matters much worse, Taylor has announced that the support act will be Paramore, which is a whole lot of feelings for starters, and a whole lot of very devoted fans every which way you look at it.

So with that, if you’re treating yourself to a little coffee this week in the hope that it’ll stave off some seasonal depression this week, and your barista is less than attentive, it might just be something to do with the news of this tour and the inevitable debacle that will ensue thanks to the world’s ticketing systems being complete dogshit.

And you can replace barista with barkeeper, accountant, ironmonger, bricklayer, or whatever you want. Fact is, the enduring popularity of both of these acts means it’s going to be a ridiculously hot ticket and congratulations to anyone who gets one. Just try not to gloat because we can see some relationships breaking over this.