“Is nothing sacred anymore?” is the sentiment from some relatives of Horatio Nelson, thanks to some raves planned at St Paul’s Cathedral. If you don’t want to read any further, the answer is ‘no, nothing is sacred anymore’, okay?

Fabric have announced some gigs at the famous dome, which has seen some furore from the exact kind of people you’d expect, which means Sadiq Khan has had to respond in kind.

“Both events showed us what can happen when contemporary music is placed within a space with such a deep sense of history, architecture and atmosphere,” Fabric shared. “This new partnership gives us the opportunity to explore that relationship over a much longer period,” adding that there’ll be a “broad range of artists from across the contemporary music landscape”, and yadda yadda yadda.

Of course, there’s already been some shows there, notably one from Patti Smith in 2025.

Then – and we didn’t make this name up – Peregrine Hood who is a relative of Vice-Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson and president of the Nelson Society said that these shows are an “insult” to the memory of the Naval honcho.

“Nelson came from a family steeped in the Church, and perhaps it is this misuse of a holy site that would have caused him even greater unease than the prospect of dancing on his grave,” he added calmly and sensibly.

Hood continued: “Is nothing sacred any more? What a sad reflection on where spiritual integrity and Christianity are today. St Paul’s Cathedral positioning itself in this way is deeply depressing.”

London Mayor Sadiq Khan decided to calm things down by doing a tweet, which said: “Fabric. St Paul’s Cathedral. Name a more iconic duo.”

The holy sanctity of these things! Won’t someone think of those! Just as Lord Horatio Nelson did when during his marriage to Fanny Nisbet, when he conducted a lengthy affair with Lady Emma Hamilton. Marriage in the eyes of god is obviously not the same as someone putting a rave on in a church, eh?

Anyway, a representative for St Paul’s have said that the four-year deal would not lead to “raves in the nave” and there would be no bar, alcohol, dancing or DJs.

Well done Christians, you made gigs shit.