The Pop Corporation

Some songs, some albums are beatified by rock critics decade-on-decade, and sure, we should doff our cap to cultural impact and massive sales and all that stuff. But honestly, we’re allowed to just be irritated too.

There’s loads of stuff that gets rammed down your craw so hard that the sheer ubiquity of the damned things is enough to get your back up. Do we love The Beatles? Yep! Is ‘Hey Jude’ objectively awesome? You bet! Do we want another boozy ‘na na naaa naaaaah‘ rendition on a night out? We might backdoor it or stand with the smokers, if you don’t mind.

So with that in mind, it got us thinking about annoying songs that are obviously great. Some are annoying because the fans are annoying. Some are annoying just because they’re annoying to listen to. Others have their own unique irritability.

There’s no point thinking ‘I hope Crazy Frog’s version of ‘Axel F’ is in this list!’, because no-one is claiming that to be a piece of art worthy of any merit. We’re talking about stuff that’s achieved classic status, something that’s loved and fans wouldn’t have even considered that they’re fave is an irritant. ‘Mr Brightside’ is surely the definitive cusper, where as anthemic it is, surely even The Killers fans know it rubs people up the wrong way.

Anyway. Let’s get stuck in. Feel free to disagree.

PINK FLOYD – GREAT GIG IN THE SKY

It starts off okay, being all restrained Pink Floydy, but then that vocal starts. You’re all ‘ah, that’s cool – it’s a bit ethereal and passionate, eh?’ and then it carries on. And goes on some more. And then it goes woah woah woah woooah and you’re all ‘oh shut up, jesus wept’.

You can imagine a Pink Floyd fan calling it ‘transcendent’ or something, and that just adds to the irritation. And then you start thinking the whole of ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’ is quite annoying, apart from ‘Money’, because that’s got a great bassline.

STEPPENWOLF – MAGIC CARPET RIDE

The first bit and the end bit of this track is absolutely KILLER. It’s designed to be danced to. It’s coarse and funky as hell, and then that stupid wig-out bit happens. Look, we get it, it was hippies wigging out and stuff, and we love a bit of wigging out – but this bit takes up too large a chunk of the song. If it was even half the length so we could get to the groove, we’d be happier.

There’s no way of listening to this song and not wishing there was a single edit of the single edit. On the full length version, you’re like ‘okay, we get it, we get it‘.

JOHN LENNON – IMAGINE

We know it’s very fashionable to knock this ultimately well-meaning song, but it really is an annoying thing, and not helped by Gal Gadot and her celebrity pals doing their version of it. Is that Lennon’s fault? Obviously not, but it just shows you that the vaguery of the message means any old shithouse can think it’s a good idea to cover for whatever reason they like. Yes, ‘imagine no possessions’ is easy for Lennon who had a professional chef and a room for his furs to say, but you’ve heard all that.

Let us instead remind ourselves of the celebrities that tried to raise our spirits during the pandemic, so they don’t get off the hook, even if we like them. That’s in the true spirit of this piece – things can be great AND annoying.

Gal Gadot, Kristen Wiig, Jamie Dornan, Labrinth, James Marsden, Sarah Silverman, Eddie Benjamin, Jimmy Fallon, Natalie Portman, Zoe Kravitz, Sia, Lynda Carter, Amy Adams, Leslie Odom Jr, Pedro Pascal, Chris O’Dowd, Dawn O’Porter, Will Ferrell, Mark Ruffalo, Norah Jones, Ashley Benson, Kaia Gerber, Cara Delevigne, Annie Mumolo, and Maya Rudolph, lol.

And to think Pedro Pascal can do no wrong, you monsters!

LED ZEPPELIN – TRAMPLED UNDER FOOT

Being perfectly honest, we could have included almost any Led Zep number here. They have a unique way of making great, grate. They’re an ideal gateway band, ie, you love them when you’re a teenager before finding your way into better stuff. Sure, the nostalgia is always there for some of their bangers, but some of their bangers just get annoying.

‘Trampled Under Foot’ is a perfect example of a killer song that just ends up grinding the gears. For a start, what did they mix the track on? The hair you pull out of the plug hole? Sonically, it is dogshit, despite being funky as hell under all that sludge. BUT THAT’S THE POINT! some Zephead will probably tell you. Sure, whatever. You’re entitled to your opinion, but as we are to ours. Effectively, all we’re saying is that a band that listened to a producer and could handle their drugs a bit better would have made this absolutely gleam.

And Stairway sucks.

BOB MARLEY – REDEMPTION SONG

The inclusion of this song is almost entirely not Bob Marley’s fault. We can’t really hold it against him that he’s featured on every weed tin and student bedroom wall since he died. Similarly, ‘Redemption Song’ is the ‘Wonderwall’ for white lads with dreadlocks who get the acoustic guitar out at parties. They even do his accent.

If you’ve ever sat next to an earnest 20something from the Home Counties, wearing a Navajo print hoodie, hair smelling like a shower curtain full of mildew, and heard them sing “HATOMIC HENERGY”, you’ll know exactly why this gets the nod here.

RADIOHEAD – KARMA POLICE

It’s almost Beatlesy. It’s kinda like the glorious dry roomness of ‘Harvest’ isn’t it? Some critic once said it was a cornerstone of the ’90s, and we wouldn’t for one second try and say it isn’t a cultural behemoth. But we’ve listened to it. We’ve listened to it loads. They’re probably being a bit arch and it obviously isn’t a wholly serious song. But just listen to it. Yeucch!

Again, a song that would probably be benign if it wasn’t for imagining fans fawning over it and trying to convince you away from your own feelings in some pub beer garden and telling you that pop music is rubbish and this is high art.

Full marks if you’ve ever tried doing their ‘Fitter Happier’ at the karaoke with that lyric about a cat up a shitty stick or whatever it says.

SEX PISTOLS – GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

The group that launched a thousand bands – it’s the Pistols and, obviously, the cultural impact of this band is phenomenal – and sticking it to the Royal Family as well? Great stuff. The riff is good, the spirit is great… but there’s just something about this which is so wildly irritating. It kinda goes without saying that Lydon & Co wanted to be an irritant, so this is almost a moot point – but if they’re a fly in society’s ointment and we live in said society, then obviously it stands to reason that we’re allowed to be irritated.

Job well done, we guess.

2PAC – CHANGES

A song that references the vicious circle of violence in black America, perpetuated by difficulties imposed by police and government, the war on drugs, racism, poverty and a sample of ‘The Way It Is’ by Bruce Hornsby? It’s a classic, no question, but it’s just annoying and that’s furthered by the fervour in which Tupac Shakur’s fans tell you how wrong you are for not loving him more than you love your own mum.

JEFF BUCKLEY – HALLELUJAH

Handsome, died tragically young, bad relationship with his dad, ’90s dreamboat – it’s all a recipe for ‘DON’T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM! HOW COULD YOU?!‘ The thing is, this song is the blight of every open mic night you’ve ever been to. Buckley’s vocal gymnastics are often impressive, but here, grate as soon as the first minute is done.

Add to this, that the very mention of this song prompts someone to tell you that it means a lot to them because it reminds them of a funeral they went to or something, and it’s the very fact that this song is so protected by it’s fans that make you want to kick it in the nutsack.

QUEEN – WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

You’ve sung it with tears in your eyes at a cup final, no doubt, but in isolation, what an irritating song. C’mon, you can’t pretend it isn’t. We know there’s no-one quite like Queen when it comes to intentional anthemic rock, but this one is like a stately home or something. It’s the wrong gaudy when you’re not in celebratory mode.

Surely, even the most die-hard Queen nut (one of the most unhinged types of music nut there is) doesn’t have this in their personal top 10?

CYNDI LAUPER – GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN

It’s annoying that it isn’t called ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’. The title is so formal for such an outpouring of joy. Of course, it’s a cover, but Cyndi’s reading – as iconic as it is – we can’t help but think she’s doing a cod-reggae accent, right? Backed up by her Absolutely Doing An Accent version of the song redubbed ‘Hey Now‘. Obviously, we’re being party poopers and we’d probably dance to it at a wedding, but you can like something AND find it irritating.

PHARRELL WILLIAMS – HAPPY

Maybe this is a cusper, because everyone knows it’s annoying. Given Pharrell’s insanely brilliant career producing others and with NERD, if ‘Get Lucky’ was initially well-received, it raised the mildest of suspicion that lean times were ahead. ‘Blurred Lines’ didn’t help. Then ‘Happy’ came along, which in a vacuum, is a fun time pop-gospel track. But it’s on a bloody children’s film. And it’s insipid like a self-help Instagram account. It’s a long way from daring a motherfucker to come at him in ‘Lapdance’.

WE’LL BE BACK WITH MORE AT A LATER DATE